Daft Constitution

This week, every newspaper included a free copy of Kenya's new Draft Constitution, as put together by the "Committee of Experts". It's designed to try to solve the political crisis from 2007, when a disputed election resulted in massive country-wide violence and a rather ad hoc coalition government.

The idea is that the Draft will be open to comments from the public for 30 days, at which point it will return to the Committee, who will then revise it accordingly. And, as it happens, I do have a comment to offer. "Committee", as in "Committee of Experts", is spelt with two "t's", not one.

Just an average week in Nairobi

Actually, it's been quite an interesting week. A few highlights:

Wednesday: There was a breakfast media briefing taking place in the Ministry, held by the Permanent Secretary. I turned up looking for some free food (as I've mentioned before, meetings here invariably centre around food). The meeting went well enough, and television crews were present from 2 national news channels. Getting home that evening, I thought I'd just check the news to see if we got any coverage, only to be greeted by my own grinning mug tucking heartily into a fried egg on toast. Obviously, casting about the room for a reaction shock, they zoomed in on the only whitey there. I am now Tom Copple, as seen on TV.

Friday: Hanging out in a bar at 4 o'clock in the morning (oh yes, I'm quite the party animal), I found myself standing next to none other than K'Naan, the "world-renowned" Somali rapper, of whom I'm a massive fan. He's written the World Cup anthem and was due to perform the next day as the World Cup is passing through Africa on a ceremonial tour. Unfortunately, nobody I was with knew who he was, and didn't seem to be that impressed. However, he is currently Number One in my list of "people I've stood kind of near to", pushing "sharing a list with Gordon Brown while he was Chancellor" into second place.

Saturday: I managed to bag a ticket to the World Cup qualifier between Kenya and Nigeria (I was sitting in the cheap seats, a whopping £3 per ticket), and so, with raging hangover, I set off with a friend, George, from work. This was an important match, Nigeria needed to win to qualify for the World Cup, and Kenya needed to win to qualify for the African Cup of Nations (their World Cup dreams ended a long time ago). Given that Kenya have never beaten Nigeria in a competitive game before (this might not be true, but some guy I was talking to at the game seemed pretty convinced), I wasn't getting my hopes up, but others were more optimistic (We'll whack Eagles 5-0, says Kenyan sports Minister). It was a pretty normal build-up - my rising media career continued as I was interviewed by SuperSport, the international African sports cable network, ("As the only white face in the crowd, how do you rate Kenya's chances?"), but this all changed when Kenya scored in the 16th minute to go into the lead. I've been to a few football games in my time, and I've seen some pretty excited fans, but they just can't compare. We were mobbed from all sides, sprayed with God knows what, and I had my hand enthusiastically shaken by roughly half the people there. Sadly, their joy didn't last, and (some dodgy refereeing later), Nigeria took the lead. Another thing I've learnt about Kenyan fans, they don't like to lose:

1429: GOAL! Yakubu Ayegbeni fires the Super Eagles into the lead but the Kenyans surround the referee asking him to disallow the goal for offside. Angry Kenya fans throw missiles on to the pitch but the game carries on after the missiles are cleared from the field of play.

By "missiles", they mean an assortment of empty plastic bottles, rather more full plastic bottles, some glass bottles and strips of wood torn out of the terraces. Sitting in the lower terraces, very close to the field, this was a rather hairy experience, although to be fair the vast majority of fans were appealing for calm. A slightly unpleasant end to an otherwise fantastic experience.

Sunday: Near our flat is the Nairobi Arboretum, an idyllic green space with criss-crossing paths in the centre of the city. It's perfect for jogging, so I try to go most weekends (3 times out of 7 so far). Stretching against a tree halfway through my run this morning, I hear a screeching sound above my head. Looking up, I see two monkeys swinging through the branches. Suddenly, I notice a group of about a dozen or more converge around me - just eating, playing and fighting - seemingly totally oblivious to my presence. Everyone else is just walking past, as if this is the most normal thing in the world. Monkeys! This isn't something you tend to encounter running round Halstead; you're more likely to be run off the road by a speeding housewife in a 4x4. I have tried telling people here how exciting it is  to see monkeys while out jogging, but no-one seems to understand. It's like pointing out squirrels or pigeons back home.

One week, 4 exciting (for me) events, 0 pictures. I just might have to invest in a camera-phone.

Mount Longonot

Mount Longonot is a 2,776 metre dormant volcano, about 80km outside Nairobi. Some of Jason’s friends were planning to climb it and we tagged along for the ride (also gave me an excuse to take my new 4x4 out for a proper spin). So, having woken up at 6a.m. on a Sunday morning and convened at the nearest Nairobi Java House for a quick caffeine hit, we set off. Finally, in the distance, this enormous land mass looms, and I suddenly realise what I’ve let myself in for:



Turns out 2,776 metres is actually quite high, including some pretty steep climbs, but the views along the way are fantastic.

Getting to the top took about an hour and a half. Now we have to decide whether we want to make the trip round the rim of the crater itself. It looks innocuous enough, but appearances can be deceiving. The crater is massive, far too big to fit in one photo:


But, whether through bravado or naivety, we decide to do the round trip. 2 hours later, we make it to the highest point, about halfway round the rim.

It’s exhilarating, but also pretty tiring.


You can see for miles, the Rift Valley spreading out below you and the clouds drawing in underneath, it’s really quite spectacular, enough to merit larger photos.


From here on, it’s just a quick hop, skip and a jump, and 2 1/2 hours later you’re back where you started. Feeling pretty good about it until the next morning. Muscles I didn’t know I had start protesting every movement. And somehow, despite it being a cloudy day, I have the world’s worst sunburn.

One Month In

Things I have learnt so far:

1. Nothing quite adds to the tension of a football match like a powercut in the 89th minute.
2. English queuing habits are never going to get me very far at a Nairobi bus stop
3. You can buy ANYTHING on DVD here, including Back to the Future featuring Will Smith

and the lesser-known prequels to Wall-E; Wall-A and Wall-B:

Breakfast Meetings

I love breakfast meetings. Not so much the early starts, but more the free buffet. We’ve had two so far this week, both at fancy-shmancy hotels in Nairobi. The first one, paid for by a private consultancy, had a decent spread (juice, cereal, roast goat etc) but very little superfluous fare. The second, on the hand, financed by the Ministry itself, had live music, dancers and some very over-excited drummers. More importantly, we got goodie-bags on our way out.

Now, what do you get in an Ministry of East African Community goodie-bag I wonder:

You get: the MEAC Strategic Plan, the MEAC Strategic Plan (popular version), the MEAC Strategic Plan brochure, an MEAC Strategic Plan pen - and - a DVD! On which you find electronic copies of the MEAC Strategic Plan, the MEAC Strategic Plan (Popular Version) and the MEAC Strategic Plan brochure. There were rumours of free t-shirts, but, unfortunately, unsubstantiated.

The Minister also made a speech, which he promised would be “modern, unusual, not like your standard speeches”. What could this be? Was he going to launch the Strategic Plan by Twitter? A quick rap on the benefits of the East African Community perhaps? Speculation was rife. Alas, his big surprise was... a Powerpoint presentation. Kenya is hitting the 21st century. Hard.

Food does tend to be a key component of your average workday. It’s very rare to attend any meeting without some form of refreshment. A lunchtime meeting might include a four-course meal including rice, ugali (for the uninitiated, ugali is a veritable explosion of flavour, setting your senses on fire - flour mixed with water then boiled into a paste. Yum) and the ubiquitous roast goat. During a tea-time meeting recently, everyone was handed a plate of boiled yam to go with their cup of tea. More filling than a biscuit, sure, but less dunkable.