Zanzibar

Another day, another perfect beach. This time in Zanzibar, an semi-autonomous archipelago off the coast of Tanzania. Some friends were renting a house on the East coast of the island, so I booked a last-minute flight to join them for a couple of days. 

Zanzibar town itself is very picturesque, an old town with a historic centre called Stone Town.

It also has a great beach-side bar called Mercury's, after Freddie Mercury, obviously, who was born on Zanzibar.

It's probably most famous for its beaches though, for good reason. They are, not for the first time in East Africa, beautiful; it's virtually impossible to take a bad photo. 

Zanzibar is also renowned for its spices, its main export industry. We had time to take a tour of a spice farm, where they grew cloves, cardamon (the entire island seems to smell of cardamon), cinnamon and a whole host of things I have no idea what they were.

There's nothing like 2 days on the beach to get you into the Christmas spirit. 2 days later, it's time to head back to Nairobi, just in time to fly past Mount Kilimanjaro at sunset. The last 24 hours have mostly been spent packing, saying goodbye, packing, more goodbye drinks, more packing... It's amazing how much stuff you accumulate over 15 months.

And with that, I think, I'm done.

Last Day at Work!

After 15 months, my time as a Kenyan civil servant is coming to an end. It's been, at various times, interesting, challenging, rewarding, frustrating, unusual, ridiculous, absurd, farcical, surreal... I've been shot at, threatened with arrest, had a grenade thrown into a bar I was at and once arrived home 5 minutes after an armed carjacking at the gates. I've been called up at ten to six in the morning by my boss, forbidden from going into work, kicked out of my office by an overenthusiastic cleaner, caught in riots. I've had my car clamped, asked for bribes by at least 5 policemen (and paid none of them), marched in uniform through the city and I even tried yoga. It wasn't for me.

Work has been a consistent source of amusement, irritation and occasionally fulfilment. It's not something I've written about too much in case it could be sensitive. Also, constant ranting about bureaucracy and protocol could get pretty dull. On my last day, though, I feel like it's ok to relate a couple of incidents that spring to mind.

• I was once told, by my immediate boss, that I couldn't attend a meeting "because, you know, well, you're the wrong colour. It could cause problems for us". 


• I recently had to write a briefing for the Minister an hour and a half before she went to a meeting. A briefing on this subject had already been written, but unfortunately the guy who had done it was out for the day and had locked his office door. The only copy was inside. 


• Prayers: Every meeting starts (and normally ends) with prayers. A personal favourite was one that compared the successful resolution of the workshop to Moses's successful parting of the Red Sea. This was quickly followed by the theme tune to Mission Impossible, just to get everyone in the mood. 


• My boss once went on 3 days of leave without finalising a meeting he was supposed to be chairing. Everyone turned up, we were completely unprepared but managed to hold the meeting and take notes. I covered for him, and ended up working late in order to finalise the results and distribute before an important regional conference the next day. I stopped off at a coffee shop on the way home to finish the work, where I ran into my boss in his shorts, shirt-sleeves and sandals, looking very relaxed. I explained that I was finishing this work that he'd left, as it needed to be ready for the next morning. He sympathised, saying "well it's good that you have so much work to do, as you must be very lonely without your girlfriend". Quite. I'm so lonely in Nairobi that there is nothing I would rather do at 7.30 on a Friday evening than finalise the EAC Common Market Draft Annex on Mutual Recognition of Professional Services. 


• Over the summer, the Ministry recruited 35 new members of staff. At an induction meeting one morning, they were asked if they had any questions. A hand immediately shot up. "I have been here for 2 weeks, and I am still not getting served tea in the mornings. How can I be expected to work like this? Also, I have to share my newspaper". This was followed by a chorus of agreement throughout the room. Eventually they decided that they would not be able to work without tea, effectively going on strike until the catering situation was resolved.


• I was introduced to a new coworker as 'part of the dotcom generation. He knows how to do the Google". 


• At a regional meeting to discuss the AGOA framework, there was a very tight schedule. Presentations were expected from 5 guests, with discussion time allocated for each afterwards. The first order of business was to approve the agenda. The EAC operates on a principle of consensus decision-making. All 5 countries have to agree. According to the schedule, the first presentation was due to start at 10am. It took til 2pm to get a consensus on approving the agenda. By which time, obviously, it was completely useless. This thought didn't seem to bother anyone else there. 


• Similarly, earlier in the year we decided to hold fortnightly internal meetings between the technical departments, just to keep each other updated on developments. At the second such meeting, the first activity was to approve the minutes from the previous meeting. This requires someone to propose the motion to approve the minutes, and this cannot be done by the Chair or the Rapporteur. When there are only 7 of you in the meeting, this limits your options slightly. This motion now needs to be seconded by another participant. Unfortunately, there was no one else present who had been at both meetings, who could second the motion to approve the minutes. This was a big problem, and for a while it seemed like we might just have to cancel the meeting. Just to repeat, this is an informal internal catch-up meeting. In the end, we put down someone's name who hadn't actually been present, you know, just to fulfil protocol. We haven't had another technical meeting since. 

These are mostly isolated incidents, although somewhat indicative of the working environment. I've worked with some incredibly driven, intelligent, motivated people, but the overriding system is so rigid that it's just not conducive to achieving real results. Things do get done, and I've been lucky to be part of some of them - from speech-writing for the Minister (and the President, on one occasion) to participating in WTO preparations. Most people have accepted our presence here and been happy to work with us; on occasion we've encountered some territorial resistance but it's been minimal. I think one of the very many things I'm going to miss about Kenya is the people I work with, just not necessarily the system we were working in.

Lake Kivu and the Aberdares: A tale of two weekends

With 2 weeks left before I leave Kenya, I'm making the most of my weekends.

Two weeks ago, I took my first trip to another EAC country, Rwanda. We were visiting some friends who had rented a house on Lake Kivu, opposite the Congo (where they drink Um Bongo). Flying into Rwanda you can see where le pays des mille collines gets its name. It looks totally different to Kenya. It also has a totally different feel. The country is much more organised, due mostly to President Kagame's tight control over pretty much every aspect of life. There are certainly benefits to be found from this. For one, there's no corruption. In a recent East African bribery index, Rwanda had to be left out, because the sample of respondents with experience of corruption was too small to be statistically significant. In Kenya we were directly asked for a bribe by a policeman at the airport.

I had time in Kigali to visit the Genocide Memorial Museum (initial verdict - "well that was depressing"), and take a motobike taxi across town; my first time on one, unsure on the exact etiquette of gripping hold of your driver for dear life.

We headed out to Lake Kivu, about 2 hours' drive away, that afternoon. It's stunning. The house was literally on the water, with a little jetty, and views of misty islands and rolling hills in the background.

Although, to be honest, I was more distracted by the entertainment put on for the kids - in particular Disney's Robin Hood (we also covered Aladdin, Fantastic Mr Fox, and Wallace & Gromit - it was a good weekend).

After Rwanda, last weekend it was Kenya's turn. The Aberdares is a national park near Mr. Kenya, nicknamed 'Scotland with lions' on account of its mountainous scenery. It looks totally unlike anything else in Kenya, with lush green hills and valleys. It's also bloody cold, at 3,500 metres high, with temperatures dipping below freezing overnight. Camping seemed like such a good idea at first, with a blazing fire to keep us warm and the beasts away.

It wasn't til 2.30 in the morning, when I realised I was rather desperate for the loo, culminating in a mad dash to the nearest bush, that I began to have my doubts. Strange noises in the distance, coupled with slight altitude sickness and hypothermic toes did not make for a great night's sleep. But it's worth it in the morning, waking up to the sunrise, frost on the ground, and elephants on the crest of a hill in the distance.

Aberdares is not known for its wildlife; the dense vegetation means there can be an animal right next to you but you wouldn't know, as we found out when an elephant dashed in front of my car from the side of the road, and promptly disappeared on the other side before we could even get our cameras out. It does, however, have some spectacular scenery, waterfalls, and inquisitive lunchtime guests.

Also, baby warthogs! Which are pretty much my favourite thing ever.

We took a brief diversion on the way home to stop for lunch at the Trout Tree Farm. I've heard a lot about this place, and it's been on my to-do list for a while. It's basically a tree house situated above interconnected pools filled with trout. You can, if you're so inclined, fish for your own lunch. I was ok with one being picked for me (which does not augur well for next weekend, where I have been warned part of my farewell celebrations will involve a temporarily alive chicken).

Two weeks and counting. 

Crowd Dispersion

We sit on the 16th floor of our building, with a great view out over the South of the city. In the distance, you can see Nairobi National Park, Nyayo Football Stadium, and the Airport. Directly below us, there's the less photogenic sight of the local matatu stop. It's right on the roundabout, so the matatus come in, all stop on the edge of the roundabout and hold up traffic until they're full. It's a pain, and every now and then the police come in and tell them to move on, but not very often.

Yesterday morning, we hear shouting coming up from the street below. Looking out the window, there's obviously been some kind of accident, and a matatu is nose-deep in the central reservation. It doesn't look like anyone got hurt, but there's a crowd of people gathering round, clearly arguing over whose fault it was, and generally just enjoying the show.

A police car turns up, and parks in the one empty lane, thus grinding the entire roundabout to a halt. They get out and join in the argument, eventually arresting the driver and the tout from the matatu. The crowd by this point is probably 50 or 60 deep, but the police don't seem to be paying them any attention. Suddenly, 5 of 6 men appear with sticks, and start beating the crowd, seemingly indiscriminately. Everyone flees, apart from the 2 or 3 who are lying on the ground. I asked my colleague what on earth was happening. He told me it was the undercover city council officers, and they were trying to disperse the crowd. It's certainly an effective technique, if a little extreme.

Moral of the story: don't mess with Nairobi city council.

Meanwhile, in Merry Madagascar...

Madagascar is voting today on a new Constitution, apparently designed to solve the country's ongoing political crisis. The draft document also happens to lower the minimum age for a President from 40 to 35.

Wonder how they came up with that number?

It will also require any presidential candidate to have been resident in the country for the last 6 months. Given his main opponents are currently in exile (and former President Ravalomanana has been sentenced to 10 years hard labour in absentia), there shouldn't be too many people left to contest the election when he does get round to planning one.

Clever stuff.

Lunatic Express

It's been 2 weeks since I last went to the beach, so I thought I probably deserved another holiday. When a friend rang to say they were renting a cottage in Mombasa, and they had a spare space, I pretty much jumped at the chance. Especially when I heard they were taking the overnight train down, which is something I've been meaning to do for a while.

The train leaves at 7pm from Nairobi (supposedly), and arrives in Mombasa at 10 the next morning. It's really very slow.

It's also pretty rundown, but you can imagine it was quite something in its heyday, whenever that was. The train actually left on time, incredibly, and half an hour later you get called for dinner in the dining cart.

There was a choice of Maryland chicken or wienerschnitzel. I had the beef stew. It was all slightly indistinguishable.

We were staying on the South Coast of Mombasa, which supposedly has the better beaches. To get there, you have to take a ferry across the Likoni channel. The ferries to cross Likoni are legendary - as a quick google search attests:

We spent well over an hour sitting in the car waiting to get on. After all that time, you expect the crossing to be, well, not something you could probably swim across faster.

The crossing itself takes less than five minutes. It all seems a bit ridiculous, but the alternative is to take a 120km diversion, which actually seems to be what google maps recommends you do.

So, 2 and a half hours after getting off the train, we're finally approaching the beach. This is where it gets slightly embarrassing. There were 3 of us travelling overnight on the train. The dining car seats 4 to a table, so a charming Swedish gent called Jacob, who was travelling alone, joined us for dinner. He had arrived in Nairobi that day, and was travelling in Kenya for a week before meeting his fiancee in Uganda. Over the course of dinner, a box of wine (because we are that classy), and many games of cards, we established that he was staying at the Beach House Africa, Maweni Beach, and we were staying at the Maweni Beach Cottages. He seemed harmless enough (most Swedes do), so we obviously offered him to share our taxi to Maweni.

It's only as we're approaching the beach that Jacob asks the driver where exactly his guesthouse is. The rather predictable response came that the "Beach House Africa, Maweni Beach" is, in fact, nowhere near Maweni Beach, and is rather on the North Coast, back on the other side of the Likoni Channel. Fortunately, he seemed very relaxed about the whole thing; a feeling no doubt helped by the sight of the beach.

On the way back, we didn't think we had quite covered enough forms of transport, so we opted for the overnight bus to Nairobi. This leaves at 10.30, arriving at 5 in the morning on Monday (significantly faster than the train, and if you dare peer through the bus's windscreen, you understand why), ensuring we were back at work by 8.

Alternatively, you can always fly directly to the South Coast for £200 return, arriving early on Saturday morning and getting back at a sensible time on Sunday night. But that would miss the whole experience. Sometimes you have to feel like you've earned that break.