I fought the law and, well, we'll call it a draw

Driving home the other night, I was pulled over by the police at a random checkpoint. The normal routine here is that they will go through all your papers etc to try to find some anomaly, and then threaten to charge you in the hope that you'll slip them a few shillings. A friend of mine recently described a particularly persistent policeman who went through his papers (in order), his insurance (paid up), looked inside the car to make sure he had his first aid kit (he did), spare tyre (yep) and hazard warning set (check). Finally, in desperation, the policeman looked at him suspiciously and muttered "Fire extinguisher?". Ah, damnit, he must have left his fire extinguisher at home - and ended up paying off the policeman.

Unfortunately, all my papers were in order, so they made a bit of a fuss over the fact that I had a UK Driving Licence rather than a local one ("how about I charge you, eh?") - but it's perfectly legal to drive on a British Licence, for up to 3 months. Eventually, they gave up, realising I wasn't about to give them anything and I probably knew more about the traffic law than they did.

But it did make me think about getting an international licence, just to avoid any problems in the future. So, the next morning I turn up at the Automobile Association, to find out what the procedure is to get an international licence. It goes a little something like this:

Me: How do I convert my UK licence into an international one?

AA: Ah, you cannot convert a UK licence into an international licence here, you can only convert a local one to an international one. You can convert a UK licence into an international licence in the UK, but not in Kenya.

Me: Ok, so how would I go about getting a local licence?

AA: It's very easy, you just need your passport, licence and some official document regarding your presence here (work permit, residential permit etc).

Me: Ok, so if I bring these documents, I can get a Kenyan licence.

AA: Yes, it takes just one day [I'll believe that when I see it].

Me: And then, I can convert that into an international one.

AA: Yes. [Looking suspicious]. Why do you want one - where are you going to be driving?

Me: Just in Kenya.

AA: Oh, no. The international licence is not valid in Kenya. 

The lady at the AA did have the good grace to giggle at this point. Having painstakingly taken me through the procedure to obtain said international licence, she finally pointed out that it's not actually legal to drive on one in Kenya. At least I do now know how to go about getting a local one. Now I just need to get my work permit...

PS: While on the subject, I met a charming parking inspector the other day, as he was clamping my car. He explained to me that, much like how in the UK your parking fine is discounted if you pay promptly, in Kenya, if you give the parking attendant half the value of the fine in cash, they let you off! Brilliant!